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Love

生具慧根

如果你不是真心,就不要輕易插足我的旅程,我很容易感動,很容易滿足也許你不經意對我的好我都會一直記得,也許會因為你不在意的舉動會傷心很久如果你不是真心,就不要輕易進入我的世界,我不會堅強,不會防備,你說的每句話我都會相信,我能給你的就是絕對的信任如果你不是真心,就不要輕易跨進我的國度,我會固執,會小氣,我很珍惜每個進來的人,就算碰得頭破血流我也不會輕易放手,我不想留給自己太多遺憾我投入的會是我全部的真心... — 無名氏



Helen Fisher: This is Your Brain on Love


Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love  

The stages of love vary between men and women, e.g., men are aroused by visual stimuli, such as pornography, much more easier than women. Although both men and women express romantic love with the same intensity and are atrracted to partners who are dependable, kind, healthy, smart, and educated, there are some notable differences in their choices. Men are more attracted to youth and beauty while women are more atrracted to money, education, and position. When an ugly old man is walking down the street cuddling with a pretty young woman, most people assume that guy is either rich or powerful.

The Basic Cocktail of Love:
  • Lust Drive for Sex — The Eternal Thirsty
  • Romantic Love — Its a highly-motivated laser-focused intensively-energized overestimation of the differences of 1 woman over all others. Its also a crime of passion with compulsory obsessive craving
  • Long-term Attachment — Monogamous, Serial Monogamous, or Polygamous.
Act I: Lust involves a craving for sex. The aftermath of lustful sex is similar to the state of taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs, including increases in the levels of Dopamine, Oxytocin, Vasopressin and Endogenous Opioids (the natural equivalent of heroin in our body). This serves multiple purposes: relax the body; induce pleasure and satiety; bond to the very good feeling that one has just experienced; and register this good feeling into the reward center of our brain.

Act II: Then, it may or may not come to the Romantic Love (aka fatal attraction). It is a mere refinement of the lust sex that allows people to zero in on to a particular mate. This state is characterised by feelings of exhilarating, intrusive, and obsessive thoughts about the endeared subject. The actual behavioral pattern is like the manic phase in manic depression or resembles the symptom of attempting to evoke reciprocal responses in the loved one in obsessive compulsive disorder. Romantic Love is unstable! How long will it last?

Act III: Long-term Attachment is characteristed by feelings of clam, security, social comfort, committment, and emotional union. 

Causal sex is not really causal. Testosterone triggers Lust for Sex in certain causual settings; orgasm opens the flood gate of Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin; when this cocktail of chemicals found their way to the corresponding receptors in your brain at the perfect moment, it bounded you to the feel good experience for future reference; it, in turn, may cause certain Romantic Attraction; whether this Romantic Love is a short-term affair or a long-term Attachment, it is going to be determined by the level of Oxytocin and Vasopressin in your brain.

These Acts of Love are independent of one another. They can work simultanelously with unpredictable apocalyptic results. You can feel deep attachment to a long-term spouse while romantically love to someone else. At the same time, you still feel the sex drive in 1-night-stand situations unrelated to either one of the partners. 

Gene is a factor but not the only one. Culture, Social Status, and Education play essential roles on who do you love? Past social and sexual experiences are also crucial in our capability to fall in love again at any time in the future. Arousal comes naturally. However, long-term attachment after mating requires transformation from being naive to knowing the precise requirements that lead from arousal to the integration of the sex, love and attachment systems in our brain.

As we grow older and wiser, a Love Map, based on the experience of sexual reward system, is gradually formed in our subconscious to guide us through the maze of life to find our suitable mates.  At the end of the day, timing, chemical states, genetic roots of fidelity and environmental influences determine our preference of Sex, Love, and Attachment partners?

The trick of feeling romantic love in a long-term relationship is to do novel things with your attachment partner. Any arousing activity drives up the level of dopamine and can therefore trgger feelings of romance as a side effect. — Helen Fisher



The Love Map — Why Him? Why Her? Who Do You Love?

The Chemistry of Love:
  • Testosterone rules your Lust Desire for Sex
  • Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin conspirate together to dictate your Romantic Love 
  • Oxytocin and Vasopressin control your ability to commit to any Long-term Attachment (aka Relationship).

Testosterone — The Cavemen. Its the most potent male hormone responsible for the macho muscles and a healthy sex drive. However, testosterone is more than sexy. Here are 6 ways it impacts your everyday actions:




Dopamine — The Cocaine of Love (aka The Drug of Love). Passion! Sex! Narcotics! They are, the little neurotransmitters, all send out from the same brain region called "Ventral Tegmental." Its the same region affected when you feel the rush of cocaine. Its a clump of cells that make dopamine, a natural stimulant, and sends it out to many brain regions. This chemical and its cousins start pole-dancing around the neurons of your brain, hopping around the limbic system, setting off euphoria craving, obsessive thoughts, focused attention, the desire to commit possibly immoral acts with your beloved while at a stoplight in the 2100 block of K Street during lunch hour, and so on... 

Why this isn't Going to End Well?  

Its because these things are hard-wired not to last, all of them. Short shelf lives. The passion you fulfill is the passion you kill. The most wonderful, soaring feeling known to all mankind...amounts to no more than a narcotic brain regions. 

Mind Games: A Primer on Love, Sex and MarriageBeing in love, having a crush on someone is wonderful . . . but our bodies can't be in that state all the time. Your body would fizzle out. As a species, we'd die." — Pamela Regan.

High levels of Dopamine are also associated with high levels of Norepinephrine...

Norepinephrine — Reason for Excitment (aka Infatuation). It heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus on the relatinship and on little else.

Serotonin — High levels of Dopamine and Norepinephrine suppress the neural circuits that produce Serotonin. Its the neural circuits associated with the way we assess others. These low levels of Serotonin are at the same levels as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders. It explains why those in love are obsessed about their partners.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin — The genetic differences between Montane Vole and Prairie Vole is less than 1%. While the Montane Vole has no interest in partnership beyond 1-night-stand, the Praire Vole is the guardian angel of monogamous relationship for life. Why? 

When Montane Vole has sex, 2 hormones called Oxytocin and Vasopressin are absent. On the hand, when Prairie Vole has sex, these 2 hormones are released. If the release is blocked, the Prairie Vole will be just another Montane Vole. 

Furthermore, Montane Voles can never be faithful since they do not have any receptor for Oxytocin and Vasopressin in their brain regions associated with reward and reinforcement systems. The more receptors for Oxytocin and Vasopressin located in regions associated with reward, the stronger is the bond for social attachment. Soon, we will be able to look at the gene and promoter sequences to genotype people and correlate that with their fidelity. 

The brain has a reward system designed to make us do what we ought to do. Without the system, we might forget to eat, drink and have sex...its a feedback mechanism to make us continue to do these things because we feel good when we engage in these activities. We feel good because of the release of Dopamine into the reward center of our brain. We  learn that sex is enjoyable and we continue to seek out more of it based on how it happened the first time. However, contrast to Monogamous, Seirial Monogamous or Polygamous at no time has learnt to associate sex with a particular female partner. 

This is where the Vasopressin and Oxytocin come in. They are involved in parts of the brain that help to pick out the salient features used to identify individual winners. The salient feature is, in this case, odor of the partner. New nerve cells to memorize of the olfactory image of the partner has generated to reinforce the attached pleasure. n other words, couples in this stage of love focus on the relatinship and on little else. We become addicted to each other through a process of seual imprinting meidated by odor. Furthermore, the reward mechanism involved in this addiction has evolved to regulate pair-bonding in humans.
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